Catalogue


Real influence : persuade without pushing and gain without giving in /
Mark Goulston and John Ullmen ; foreword by Keith Ferrazzi.
imprint
New York : American Management Association, c2013.
description
x, 258 p. ; 24 cm.
ISBN
081442015X (hbk.), 9780814420157 (hbk.)
format(s)
Book
Holdings
More Details
added author
imprint
New York : American Management Association, c2013.
isbn
081442015X (hbk.)
9780814420157 (hbk.)
general note
Includes index.
catalogue key
10017829
A Look Inside
Excerpts
Flap Copy
Millions of people have read How to Win Friends and Influence People ; and while much of the 1930s wisdom of Dale Carnegie's seminal book still rings true, it also reflects a very different age. Today we live in a more sophisticated and far less trusting world, where good intentions are rarely assumed, manipulative tactics are readily detected, and even subtle persuasion efforts are suspect. This makes influencing much more difficult. In this post-pushing, post-selling world, influence can no longer be viewed as something you do to someone to get what you want. In fact, real influence isn't even about what you want. It's about forging strong connections by focusing on other people's viewpoints, and, quite simply, giving before asking for anything, and always striving for win-win outcomes. Now master communicator and bestselling author Mark Goulston teams with esteemed executive coach John Ullmen to show why this kind of "connected" influence is the secret to achieving not only short-term gains, but long-term success. Mark's popular book Just Listen offered insights into getting through to hard-to-reach people, and it laid the groundwork for the more far-reaching scope of Real Influence. Here the authors provide a blueprint for getting buy-in, agreement, and enduring loyalty from anyone by using authentic communication, empathy, and engagement. Packed with enlightening stories from the authors' extensive interviews with high-level influencerspeople in business, government, nonprofits, sports, the arts, and morethe book shows the remarkable power of real influence and offers insights for tapping into it, including: How to get past the "blind spot" in our brains that makes connecting and influencing impossible The simple four-step model that will help you connect with people you thought were unreachable Bad influence habits that can disconnect you from your team, your clients, your family, and others How listening with a real motive to learn and understand will change a relationship instantly Ways to repair a reputation damaged by trying to influence via manipulation Why one of the biggest factors in becoming a power influencer is gratitude Real Influence is a game-changer, helping you build deep connections and lasting influence by using positive, authentic practices that rise above people's typically self-centered, short-term focus. Its message has the power to transform your outlook, your relationships, your career, and, ultimately, your life. Mark Goulston, MD , is a business psychiatrist, consultant, Chairman and Cofounder of Heartfelt Leadership, and the author of the bestselling Just Listen and Get Out of Your Own Way . He also writes a Tribune syndicated career column; blogs for Fast Company, Business Insider, Huffington Post, and Psychology Today; and is featured frequently in major media, including the Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, Fortune, Newsweek, CNN, NPR, and Fox News. He lives in Los Angeles. John Ullmen, Ph.D. , is an acclaimed executive coach whose clients include dozens of leading international firms. He oversees MotivationRules.com, conducts popular feedback-based seminars on influence in organizations, and teaches at the UCLA Anderson School of Management. He lives in Los Angeles.
First Chapter
<html><head></head><body><p style="margin-top: 0"> INTRODUCTION </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> Are you frustrated because you fail to get people to buy into your </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> great ideas, can’t close the deal on tough sales, or constantly hit </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> the wall when you try to influence people? </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> If so, you’re not alone. As executive coaches, we know that it’s </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> harder than ever to influence people because the old rules of per- </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> suasion no longer work. </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> Today, we live in a postselling and postpushing world. As people </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> grow more aware of manipulative tactics, their guard goes up. The </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> Internet, television advertising, and wall-to-wall marketing have </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> made us cynical about deceptive tricks and hard-sell approaches. </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> Your customers, your coworkers, and even your kids can all recog- </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> nize “pushy” influence . . . and when you use it, they’ll push back </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> twice as hard. </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> Yet most of the books and business school courses that teach </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> persuasion skills emphasize manipulative tactics and techniques. </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> They conceive of influence as something that you “do” to some- </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> one else to get your way. And they focus on short-term gains </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> rather than long-term consequences. </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> We call this outdated strategy disconnected influence. It’s a short- </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> sighted strategy that sometimes creates momentary “buy-in” but </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> often at the expense of your relationships and reputation. And it </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> keeps you from making the deep, transformational connections </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> that lead to great outcomes in your career and in your life. </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> To influence people in powerful ways that can change your future, </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> you need to move from disconnected to connected influence. </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> When you make this transition, you’ll set the stage for strong, sus- </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> tained influence by becoming the kind of person other people are </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> eager to follow. These people won’t just agree to support you. </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> They’ll line up to champion your causes, and they’ll have your back </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> whenever you need their help. </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> In this book, we’ve distilled the elements of connected influence </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> into a simple four-step model for becoming wildly successful by </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> being both influential and “influenceable.” We’ve helped thousands </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> of people master these four steps—and in the process, we’ve em- </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> powered them to save their companies, increase their sales, achieve </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> business goals they thought were impossible, and take their personal </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> relationships to an entirely new level. </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> But this book isn’t just about our own experiences. In addition, </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> we’ve interviewed more than one hundred remarkable influencers </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> who are putting these same steps into action in their own lives. </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> These people are using their powers of persuasion to change the </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> world every day. They head international corporations, raise millions </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> for charities, help kids with cancer, and work to save the planet. They </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> personify success, and their stories illustrate the astonishing power </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> of connected influence. </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> As you read these stories, here is what we want you to remember: </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> No matter who you are and where you are in life, you can do </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> what these people have done. In fact, the most powerful lesson the </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> stories in this book illustrate is that anyone can positively influence </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> anyone else, regardless of their differences in experience, status, </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> age, income, or power. The people we talked with didn’t start out with </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> powerful connections, but they knew how to earn these connections </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> and how to solidify and expand them. Their message is that there is </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> no need—ever—to set limits in your influence potential. When you </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> master the steps we outline in this book, you can influence anyone, </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> even someone who “has it all.” </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> This book won’t tell you what you can accomplish by tricking </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> people, manipulating them, or stepping on them. Instead, it will </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> teach you how to be the kind of influencer that you and the people </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> in your life want you to be. That’s because as you build deeper rela- </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> tionships, you’ll drive stronger results. And when you approach rela- </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> tionships by thinking about giving rather than getting, and about </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> adding value before seeking value, you’ll be amazed at the return </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> you see on your investment. </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> When you put the ideas in this book to work in your own life, </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> you’ll learn what all the masters of influence in this book know. </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> Connected infl uence pays off—and it pays forward. Connected in- </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> fluence multiplies, and as it multiplies, it leads to amazing outcomes. </p> <p style="margin-top: 0"> Here's to yours. </p> </body></html>
Reviews
Review Quotes
"[ Real Influence ] offers a full course banquet of fresh ideas for the price of a modest dinner." --Inland Empire Business Journal
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Summaries
Back Cover Copy
Advance Praise for Real Influence " Real Influence is literally going to change your life. It will vastly improve all your interactions and relationships, both professionally and personally. This book is the 'secret sauce' to optimal influenceand an absolute must-read." David T. Feinberg, MD, MBA , President, UCLA Health System "The most insightful book I've read in years. Simple to read, easy to understand, yet delivers a powerful, compelling message about how to be more effective at work and throughout life." Bob Eckert, former CEO and Chairman, Mattel "I love this book because of how much it influenced me." Warren Bennis , Distinguished Professor of Management, USC, and author, On Becoming a Leader and Still Surprised " Real Influence is just what you need, whether you want to influence a boss, a peer, a subordinate, your spouse, your parent, or your kid. It is the antidote to the push-back you get from people whenever they perceive you as being too pushy." Marshall Goldsmith , author, What Got You Here Won't Get You There "Today's fast-paced, hectic world finds most people pulled in different directions at once, and the last thing they want is to be pushed. In Real Influence Goulston and Ullmen offer you the ultimate formula for influencing in a way that people trust. If he were still with us, Dale Carnegie would likely smile and nod in agreement that this book offers one of the absolute best ways to 'make friends and influence people.'" Ivan Misner, Ph.D. , New York Times bestselling author and founder of BNI "With deep insights from an array of industries and fields, Goulston and Ullmen lay out a terrific roadmap to making significant, positive impacts on one's organization, personal life, and society." Amir Dan Rubin , President and CEO, Stanford Hospital & Clinics "With a wealth of relevant research, compelling examples, and straightforward, actionable tactics and advice, Goulston and Ullmen have created an incredibly valuable resource for improving one's ability to influence and positively impact others. This book isn't just good for your business, it's good for your life!" Heidi Roizen , Venture Partner, Draper Fisher Jurvetson; and Entrepreneurship Educator, Stanford University
Bowker Data Service Summary
People won't put up with being 'sold' anymore. If they sense they are being pushed, their guard goes up - and even if they do comply, lingering resentment undermines the relationship - maybe forever. In this groundbreaking book, authors Mark Goulston and John Ullmen reveal a new model for authentic influence - the kind that creates a strong initial connection and survives long after agreement has been reached.
Description for Bookstore
People won't put up with being "sold" anymore. If they sense they are being pushed, their guard goes upand even if they do comply, lingering resentment undermines the relationship...maybe forever. Yet, most books on influence still portray it as something you "do to" someone else to get your way. That out-of-date approach invites resistance or cynicism from those who recognize the techniques. Manipulative tactics might occasionally wear down a colleague's or client's resistance, but they fail to produce the mutual trust that sustains successful relationships. In short, they just won't work in our sophisticated, post-selling world. In this groundbreaking book, authors Mark Goulston and John Ullmen reveal a new model for authentic influencethe kind that creates a strong initial connection and survives long after agreement has been reached. Based on listening, genuine engagement and commitment to win-win outcomes, Real Influence provides a powerful four-step method you can use to: Examine your priorities Learn about the key players and what they need Earn their attention and motivate them to hear more Add value with your questions and actions Complete with examples of the steps in action and insights from real-world "power influencers," this one-of-a-kind guide shows that being straight with everyone means winning for all.
Main Description
People won't put up with being "sold" anymore. If they sense they are being pushed, their guard goes up--and even if they do comply, lingering resentment undermines the relationship. In this groundbreaking book, authors Goulston and Ullmen reveal a new model for authentic influence.
Main Description
People wont put up with being sold anymore. If they sense they are being pushed, their guard goes up and even if they do comply, lingering resentment undermines the relationship...maybe forever. Yet, most books on influence still portray it as something you do to someone else to get your way. That out-of-date approach invites resistance or cynicism from those who recognize the techniques. Manipulative tactics might occasionally wear down a colleagues or clients resistance, but they fail to produce the mutual trust that sustains successful relationships. In short, they just wont work in our sophisticated, post-selling world. In this groundbreaking book, authors Mark Goulston and John Ullmen reveal a new model for authentic influence the kind that creates a strong initial connection and survives long after agreement has been reached. Based on listening, genuine engagement and commitment to win-win outcomes, Real Influence provides a powerful four-step method you can use to: Examine your priorities Learn about the key players and what they need Earn their attention and motivate them to hear more Add value with your questions and actions Complete with examples of the steps in action and insights from real-world power influencers, this one-of-a-kind guide shows that being straight with everyone means winning for all.
Main Description
People won't put up with being "sold" anymore. If they sense they are being pushed, their guard goes up - and even if they do comply, lingering resentment undermines the relationship... maybe forever. Yet, most books on influence still portray it as something you "do to" someone else to get your way.That out-of-date approach invites resistance or cynicism from those who recognize the techniques. Manipulative tactics might occasionally wear down a colleague's or client's resistance, but they fail to produce the mutual trust that sustains successful relationships. In short, they just won't work in our sophisticated, post-selling world. In this groundbreaking book, authors Mark Goulston and John Ullmenreveal a new model for authentic influence - the kind that creates a strong initial connection and survives long after agreement has been reached. Based on listening, genuine engagement and commitment to win-win outcomes, Real Influence provides a powerful four-step method you can use to: * Examine your priorities * Learn about the key players and what theyneed * Earn their attention and motivate them to hear more * Add value with your questions and actions Complete with examples of the steps in action and insights from real-world "power influencers," this one-of-a-kind guide shows that being straight with everyone means winning for all. www.getrealinfluence.com
Main Description
People won't put up with being "sold" anymore. If they sense they are being pushed, their guard goes up-and even if they do comply, lingering resentment undermines the relationship... maybe forever. Yet, most books on influence still portray it as something you "do to" someone else to get your way.That out-of-date approach invites resistance or cynicism from those who recognize the techniques. Manipulative tactics might occasionally wear down a colleague's or client's resistance, but they fail to produce the mutual trust that sustains successful relationships. In short, they just won't work in our sophisticated, post-selling world. In this groundbreaking book, authors Mark Goulston and John Ullmenreveal a new model for authentic influence-the kind that creates a strong initial connection and survives long after agreement has been reached. Based on listening, genuine engagement and commitment to win-win outcomes, 'Real Influence' provides a powerful four-step method you can use to: - Examine your priorities - Learn about the key players and what theyneed - Earn their attention and motivate them to hear more - Add value with your questions and actions Complete with examples of the steps in action and insights from real-world "power influencers," this one-of-a-kind guide shows that being straight with everyone means winning for all. www.getrealinfluence.com
Main Description
People won't put up with being "sold" anymore. If they sense they are being pushed, their guard goes upand even if they do comply, lingering resentment undermines the relationship...maybe forever. Yet, most books on influence still portray it as something you "do to" someone else to get your way. That out-of-date approach invites resistance or cynicism from those who recognize the techniques. Manipulative tactics might occasionally wear down a colleague's or client's resistance, but they fail to produce the mutual trust that sustains successful relationships. In short, they just won't work in our sophisticated, post-selling world. In this groundbreaking book, authors Mark Goulston and John Ullmen reveal a new model for authentic influencethe kind that creates a strong initial connection and survives long after agreement has been reached. Based on listening, genuine engagement and commitment to win-win outcomes, Real Influence provides a powerful four-step method you can use to: Examine your priorities Learn about the key players and what they need Earn their attention and motivate them to hear more Add value with your questions and actions Complete with examples of the steps in action and insights from real-world "power influencers," this one-of-a-kind guide shows that being straight with everyone means winning for all. www.getrealinfluence.com
Table of Contents
Forewordp. ix
Introductionp. 1
The Problem: Why Are You Struggling to Influence People?p. 5
The Dangers of "Disconnect"p. 7
Four Traps That "Disconnect" Youp. 28
The Four Steps to Connecting and Influencingp. 33
STEP#1 Go for Great Outcomesp. 41
The First "R": Go for a Great Resultp. 43
The Second "R": Go for a Great Reputationp. 52
The Third "R": Go for Great Relationshipsp. 66
STEP #2 Listen Past Your Blind Spotp. 81
To Discover Their There, Listen to the Musicp. 83
Master Level-Four Listeningp. 91
To Influence, Be Influenceablep. 107
STEP #3 Engage Them in Their Therep. 119
Use the Three Gets of Engagep. 121
Push Their Buttons-Positivelyp. 135
Engage Across Culturesp. 144
STEP #4 When You've Done Enough … Do Morep. 155
Do More Before, During, and Afterp. 157
Do More in All Three Value Channelsp. 171
Ask Other People to Do Morep. 183
Taking Real Influence to the Next-Levelp. 191
Let Adversity Lead You to Great Outcomesp. 193
Influence by Getting Out of the Wayp. 203
Influence Positively After You've Made Big Mistakesp. 210
Let Gratitude Magnify Your Influencep. 219
Putting It All Togetherp. 227
Case Study #1-A Fuzzy Rescuep. 229
Case Study #2-Everything Mattersp. 234
Case Study #3-Poised for Lifep. 237
Case Study #4-Taming a Temperamental Groupp. 241
Epiloguep. 245
Acknowledgmentsp. 247
Indexp. 251
About the Authorsp. 259
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

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